FAST (self-respect effectiveness)
Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, Truthful — skills for keeping your self-respect in interactions.
FAST skills help you maintain self-respect during interpersonal interactions. Use FAST when your goal is to walk away feeling good about yourself.
The FAST Acronym
- Fair — Be fair to yourself AND the other person. Don't bend so far you break.
- no Apologies — Don't apologize for making a request, having an opinion, or disagreeing. Apologize only when it's truly warranted.
- Stick to values — Don't sell out your values or integrity to get what you want or to please someone else.
- Truthful — Don't lie, exaggerate, or act helpless when you're not. Be honest about your position.
Self-respect erodes slowly when we over-apologize, abandon our values, or pretend to agree. FAST helps you notice and stop that pattern.
When to Use FAST
- When you feel pressured to say yes against your values
- When you catch yourself over-apologizing
- When someone asks you to compromise your integrity
- After any interaction where you want to feel proud of how you showed up
Real-Life Examples
Scenario: Your family constantly volunteers you for favors without asking. At the next gathering, your mom announces you'll drive Grandma to her appointments every week. Skill in action: You use FAST: You consider what's Fair — you care about Grandma, but being voluntold isn't okay. You don't over-Apologize ("I'm so sorry, I'm terrible, I wish I could"). You Stick to your values — you believe in being asked, not assigned. You're Truthful: "I'd love to help Grandma, but I need to be asked directly so I can check my schedule. Let me look at what I can actually commit to."
Scenario: A date keeps pushing you to stay out later than you're comfortable with. You feel pressure to be "cool" and "easygoing." Skill in action: You use FAST: Being Fair to yourself means acknowledging your boundary is valid. No unnecessary Apologies — you don't say "Sorry I'm so boring." You Stick to values — your boundary around sleep and safety matters more than appearing chill. You're Truthful: "I've had a great time and I'm heading home now. Let's do this again soon." You leave with your self-respect intact.
Scenario: A coworker takes credit for your idea in a meeting. You feel the urge to let it go to avoid conflict, even though resentment is building. Skill in action: You use FAST: Being Fair means you deserve credit for your work. You don't Apologize for speaking up. You Stick to values — honesty and integrity matter to you. You're Truthful in a follow-up: "I want to make sure the record reflects that I brought that concept to the team last week. I'm glad it resonated — let's build on it together." No aggression, no doormat behavior.