Interpersonal Effectiveness (ask, say no, keep self-respect)

Interpersonal Effectiveness skills help you navigate relationships skillfully — asking for what you need, saying no to unwanted requests, and maintaining your self-respect. These skills balance getting what you want with keeping your relationships and your self-respect intact.

Three Goals in Any Interaction

• Objectives Effectiveness — Getting what you actually want or need (DEAR MAN)
• Relationship Effectiveness — Keeping and strengthening the relationship (GIVE)
• Self-Respect Effectiveness — Maintaining your values and self-respect (FAST)

What Gets in the Way

• Not knowing what you want
• Emotions taking over
• Forgetting your long-term goals for short-term relief
• Other people's reactions or potential reactions
• Automatic negative thoughts ("I don't deserve it," "They'll say no")

The key insight is that interpersonal skills must be learned and practiced — they don't come naturally to most people, especially when emotions are high. Practice in low-stakes situations builds the muscle for high-stakes ones.