DEAR MAN (ask effectively)

DEAR MAN is your go-to skill for asking for something you need or saying no to a request. It's the objectives effectiveness skill — helping you get your actual goal met.

The DEAR MAN Skill

• D — Describe — Describe the situation factually. Stick to what a camera would see. No judgments.
• E — Express — Express how you feel about it. Use "I" statements. Be brief.
• A — Assert — Ask clearly for what you want (or say no clearly). Don't hint or assume they'll figure it out.
• R — Reinforce — Explain the positive consequences of them meeting your request (or the negative ones if they don't).
• M — Mindful — Stay focused on your goal. Don't get sidetracked by other topics or deflections.
• A — Appear Confident — Use a confident tone, make eye contact, stand/sit up straight — even if you don't feel it.
• N — Negotiate — Be willing to give to get. Offer alternatives. Ask what would work for them.