How Skills (Non-judgmentally, One-mindfully, Effectively)
"How" to practice mindfulness: Non-judgmentally (no evaluations), One-mindfully (one thing at a time), and Effectively (focus on what works).
The "How" skills tell you how to practice any mindfulness activity. While the "What" skills (Observe, Describe, Participate) tell you what to do, the "How" skills guide the manner in which you do them.
Non-judgmentally
See things as they are, not as good or bad, right or wrong. Drop evaluative labels and stick to the facts.
- Do: "I notice I'm having the thought that I failed."
- Don't: "I'm such a failure. This is terrible."
- When you catch yourself judging, don't judge the judging — just notice it and return to describing.
Non-judgmental doesn't mean approval. You can dislike something and still describe it without judgment. Saying 'this is hard' is a description; saying 'this shouldn't be happening' is a judgment.
One-mindfully
Do one thing at a time. When you eat, eat. When you walk, walk. When you worry, worry — but do only that.
- Put your full attention on the current activity
- When your mind wanders, gently bring it back
- Let go of distractions — you can return to them later
- If you're in a conversation, listen fully instead of planning your response
One-mindfully is the antidote to multitasking and scattered attention. It's not about doing things slowly — it's about doing them with your whole self.
Effectively
Focus on what works. Do what is needed in the situation, not what is 'fair' or 'right' according to your emotions.
- Play by the rules (even if you didn't write them)
- Act as skillfully as you can — not perfectly
- Let go of vengeance, useless anger, and righteousness that gets in the way
- Keep your eyes on your goals — ask: 'What do I want from this situation?'
Effectiveness means choosing the action that moves you toward your goal — even if it's not the action your emotions urge.
Putting It Together
You always practice one 'What' skill at a time (Observe OR Describe OR Participate), but you practice all three 'How' skills simultaneously. Whatever you're doing, do it non-judgmentally, one-mindfully, and effectively.
Real-Life Examples
Scenario: You're eating lunch at your desk while checking email, scrolling Instagram, and half-listening to a podcast. You barely taste the food and feel frazzled. Skill in action: You practice One-Mindfully: You close the tabs, put down the phone, and just eat. You notice the texture, temperature, and flavors of each bite. Nothing else for 10 minutes. You finish feeling actually satisfied instead of vaguely empty — because you were present for the experience.
Scenario: You're journaling and catch yourself writing "I had a terrible, stupid, worthless day." The judgments feel like facts. Skill in action: You practice Non-Judgmentally: You rewrite it with just the facts: "I had a day where I missed a deadline, felt sad, and didn't exercise." No "terrible" or "stupid" — those are judgments, not descriptions. You notice how removing the judgments reduces the emotional charge. The facts are manageable; the judgments make them crushing.
Scenario: You're in a conversation with your partner about finances and you keep wanting to bring up who spent what last month. You know it won't help, but the urge is strong. Skill in action: You practice Effectively: You ask yourself "What's my goal in this conversation?" The goal is agreeing on a budget — not winning or being right. You let go of the past spending argument (even though you feel justified) and focus on what will actually work: "What matters most right now is that we agree on a plan going forward." Effectiveness over righteousness.