Problem Solving (change the situation)

When your emotion fits the facts AND the situation can be changed, Problem Solving helps you take effective action to change it rather than just tolerating it.

Problem Solving is an emotion regulation skill used when your emotion fits the facts (it makes sense given the situation) AND the situation can be changed. Instead of just tolerating pain or using Opposite Action, you actively change the problem causing the emotion.

This skill sits in the decision tree after Check the Facts: if the emotion fits the facts, ask "Can I change the situation?" If yes → Problem Solving. If no → Radical Acceptance and Distress Tolerance.

The Steps

  • 1. Describe the problem clearly and specifically. What exactly needs to change?
  • 2. Check the Facts — is this really a problem? Is your interpretation accurate?
  • 3. Identify your goal — what outcome do you want? Be specific and realistic.
  • 4. Brainstorm solutions — list ALL possible solutions without judging them. Quantity over quality.
  • 5. Evaluate solutions — for each option, consider: pros/cons, short-term vs. long-term, impact on relationships, alignment with values.
  • 6. Choose a solution and commit to trying it.
  • 7. Act — put the plan into action. Use DEAR MAN if the solution involves asking someone for something.
  • 8. Evaluate the result — did it work? If not, go back to step 4.
Problem Solving is for situations you CAN change. If the problem is genuinely unsolvable (a loss, an illness, someone else's behavior you can't control), use Radical Acceptance instead. Trying to problem-solve what can't be changed creates more suffering.

When to Use It

  • After Check the Facts confirms your emotion fits the situation
  • When you feel stuck but the situation is actually changeable
  • Relationship conflicts that have potential solutions
  • Work/school problems, financial issues, health situations where action helps
  • When avoidance or rumination has replaced action

Common Obstacles

  • Emotional mind — emotions too high to think clearly. Use TIPP or distress tolerance first, then problem-solve.
  • Perfectionism — no solution is good enough. Remember: a good-enough solution tried today beats a perfect solution never attempted.
  • Overwhelm — the problem feels too big. Break it into smaller sub-problems.
  • Confusing facts with interpretations — always go back to Check the Facts.

Real-Life Examples

Scenario: You keep overdrawing your bank account and the stress is making you anxious every single day. You've been avoiding looking at your finances. Skill in action: You use Problem Solving: First, you Check the Facts — the problem IS real (this isn't just catastrophizing). Then you define the problem specifically: "I spend more than I earn by ~$200/month." You brainstorm solutions: cut streaming services, meal prep instead of takeout, ask for more hours at work. You pick one to try this week (meal prep) and set a check-in for next Sunday to evaluate.
Scenario: Your commute is 90 minutes each way and it's destroying your mental health. You feel trapped because you love your job. Skill in action: You use Problem Solving instead of just suffering: Define the problem precisely. Brainstorm without judging: negotiate remote days, move closer, audiobooks for the drive, find a carpool buddy, look for similar roles nearby. Evaluate each option realistically. You decide to ask for 2 remote days — worst they say is no. The structured approach breaks through the feeling of helplessness.
Scenario: Your roommate's dog barks all day while they're at work. You're working from home and it's making you miserable. You don't want to ruin the friendship. Skill in action: You use Problem Solving: Check the Facts confirms the problem is real and solvable (not just an emotional reaction). You brainstorm: talk to roommate, noise-canceling headphones, suggest doggy daycare, rearrange your workspace to a quieter room, adjust your work hours. You evaluate each for feasibility and choose to have a calm conversation using DEAR MAN, offering doggy daycare research as a possible solution.

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