Check the Facts
Reduces emotional intensity by separating fact from story.
Check the Facts helps you evaluate whether your emotional response actually fits the situation. Often our emotions respond to our interpretations of events rather than the events themselves. This skill helps you see more clearly.
Steps
- 1. Name the emotion you're feeling
- 2. Identify the triggering event (just the facts — what a camera would record)
- 3. Notice your interpretations, assumptions, and judgments about the event
- 4. Ask: Are my interpretations based on facts or assumptions?
- 5. Consider other possible interpretations
- 6. Ask: Does my emotional intensity fit the actual facts?
Common Thinking Traps
- Mind reading — Assuming you know what others are thinking
- Fortune telling — Predicting the worst outcome
- Black-and-white thinking — Seeing only extremes
- Emotional reasoning — "I feel it, so it must be true"
- Catastrophizing — Treating a difficulty as a disaster
If your emotion DOES fit the facts, that's useful information too. The emotion is telling you something real and you can problem-solve from there.
Real-Life Examples
Scenario: Your friend hasn't texted you back in two days. You're convinced they're angry at you and replaying everything you said at brunch. Skill in action: You Check the Facts: What event triggered this emotion? (No text back.) What's my interpretation? ("They're mad at me.") Is that fact or assumption? It's an assumption. Other possible interpretations: they're busy, their phone died, they forgot, they're dealing with their own stuff. Does the intensity of my anxiety (8/10) fit the facts? No — a two-day gap in texting is normal.
Scenario: Your boss scheduled a one-on-one meeting with no agenda. You're spiraling into panic — you must be getting fired. Skill in action: You Check the Facts: The event is a calendar invite. My interpretation is "I'm being fired." Is that based on evidence? No — I have no negative performance reviews. Other explanations: routine check-in, new project assignment, their schedule just opened up. My fear level (9/10) doesn't fit the actual facts. You go into the meeting calmer.
Scenario: Your partner sighed loudly when you mentioned visiting your parents this weekend. You're flooded with anger — "They never support my family relationships!" Skill in action: You Check the Facts: What happened? (A sigh.) What did I interpret? ("They don't care about my family.") Is that fact? No — it's mind reading. Other possibilities: they're tired, stressed about something else, or just exhaled. You ask calmly: "Hey, what was that sigh about?" Turns out they just remembered they have a deadline Sunday.