Pros and Cons (weigh options in crisis)

Pros and Cons is a distress tolerance skill that helps you make wise decisions during a crisis. Instead of acting impulsively, you pause to systematically weigh the benefits and costs of tolerating the distress versus acting on the urge.

This is not a simple "pros vs cons" list about a decision — it's specifically designed as a 4-box grid that examines both sides of tolerating distress and giving in to the urge.

The 4-Box Grid

Fill in all four quadrants:

• Pros of tolerating distress — What are the benefits of riding this out without acting?
• Cons of tolerating distress — What's hard or painful about sitting with this feeling?
• Pros of acting on the urge — What's the short-term relief or payoff?
• Cons of acting on the urge — What are the consequences if you act impulsively?

When to Use It

• When you feel a strong urge to engage in a behavior you're trying to change
• When you're tempted to quit therapy or skip group
• When you're facing a decision that has long-term consequences
• Any time emotional mind is pushing you toward impulsive action

Tips

• Keep your completed grid on your phone or in your wallet
• Review it regularly, even when you're not in crisis
• Be honest about the cons of tolerating — acknowledge it's hard
• Focus on the cons of acting on the urge when temptation is strongest

For a detailed reference, see DBT Self Help: Pros and Cons.

Real-Life Examples

Scenario: It's Friday night and you're 3 months sober. Your old friend group is at a bar and they keep texting you to come. Part of you really wants to go. Skill in action: You pull out your phone and write a quick Pros and Cons list — not just for drinking vs. not drinking, but for tolerating the urge vs. acting on it. Pros of tolerating: wake up clear-headed, keep your streak, self-respect. Cons of giving in: hangover, shame, reset to day 1. Seeing it written down makes the choice clearer than it feels in your emotions.

Scenario: You want to quit your job in a rage after a bad week. Your finger is hovering over a resignation email draft. Skill in action: You force yourself to do Pros and Cons of sending the email right now vs. waiting one week. Pros of waiting: might feel differently Monday, won't lose income, can job search first. Cons of acting on impulse: no paycheck, might regret it, burning a bridge. The list doesn't mean you'll never quit — but it prevents you from doing it in Emotion Mind.

Scenario: Your ex texted you something flirty. You know getting back together would be unhealthy, but the loneliness makes you want to reply. Skill in action: You grab a notebook and do Pros and Cons of texting back vs. riding out the urge. Pros of not replying: protect your healing, maintain your boundaries, keep your self-respect. Cons of replying: temporary comfort followed by the same painful cycle. You put the phone in another room and reread your list whenever the urge spikes.