Pros and Cons (weigh options in crisis)
A skill for making wise decisions in crisis by listing the pros and cons of tolerating distress versus acting on impulses.
Pros and Cons is a distress tolerance skill that helps you make wise decisions during a crisis. Instead of acting impulsively, you pause to systematically weigh the benefits and costs of tolerating the distress versus acting on the urge.
This is not a simple "pros vs cons" list about a decision — it's specifically designed as a 4-box grid that examines both sides of tolerating distress and giving in to the urge.
The 4-Box Grid
Fill in all four quadrants:
- Pros of tolerating distress — What are the benefits of riding this out without acting?
- Cons of tolerating distress — What's hard or painful about sitting with this feeling?
- Pros of acting on the urge — What's the short-term relief or payoff?
- Cons of acting on the urge — What are the consequences if you act impulsively?
Fill this out BEFORE you're in crisis. When emotions are at a 9/10, you can't think clearly enough to reason through pros and cons. Have your completed grid ready to re-read.
When to Use It
- When you feel a strong urge to engage in a behavior you're trying to change
- When you're tempted to quit therapy or skip group
- When you're facing a decision that has long-term consequences
- Any time emotional mind is pushing you toward impulsive action
Tips
- Keep your completed grid on your phone or in your wallet
- Review it regularly, even when you're not in crisis
- Be honest about the cons of tolerating — acknowledge it's hard
- Focus on the cons of acting on the urge when temptation is strongest
For a detailed reference, see DBT Self Help: Pros and Cons.